A woman takes time to discuss the unsettled issues with her spouse
TIPS FOR HAVING TOUGH CONVERSATIONS
"By: Cristin M. Lowe"
It can be extremely frustrating when your attorney suggests for you to speak to your soon-to-be-ex regarding settling your divorce case. After all, isn't that what you're paying him or her for? The truth is that when we ask this of our clients, it's for their benefit, not because we're lazy. Not only is it cheaper, but there is a smaller margin for miscommunication (think of the old game of telephone, where passing messages back and forth always results in some breakdown of the original message) and parties can talk about things in a "non-legal" capacity. That being said, we're fully aware of the difficult task we've given you.
We all feel frustrated and far less than brilliant when we don't know how to handle difficult conversations with grace, confidence and ease. Whether you're working with a difficult person, talking to your hormonally-charged teenager about missing curfew or being afraid to ask for what you need in your romantic relationship, we could all use help being able to speak our truth, even when it might not be easy for someone else to hear. We all avoid tough conversations at times. Whether it's because we hate conflict, are afraid of losing, or just don't want to speak to the other person period, it's a drain of energy and time allowing that conversation to fester.
Our communication gets fuzzy and sugarcoated when we're afraid to speak our minds. We get uncomfortable when faced with strong and opposing opinions. The "inner pushover" shows up and our conviction wavers. When putting off a tough conversation is zapping your energy and focus from what really matters, here are some tips to help you take the bull by the horns and have that talk.
1. SEE THE FOREST FROM THE TREES.
Divorce is never a sprint-it's a long, exhausting, and stressful marathon. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the "now" and forget about the ultimate destination. I once had a client who was able to work out an agreement with his ex-wife apart from the attorneys. It wasn't a full agreement by any means, but it was certainly an extremely advantageous agreement for him. Certainly it was more than he would have been entitled to under the law. He then decided to back out of their agreement unless she conceded another issue. That "extra" issue was a hotly contested issue at that point in time, but it was not a big issue in the overall grand scheme of their divorce. He ended up losing the deal and spent thousands more in attorney fees litigating the previous deal. Take a moment to connect to the big picture where the situation is resolved and your energy not being drained. Let the clarity of seeing your end point in mind help motivate and inspire you to know when to stop. The clich'e of quitting while you're ahead comes to mind.
2. STAY GROUNDED.
We all want to keep our cards close to our vest while expecting the other side to be fully open and honest. Tough conversations get even tougher when you shield yourself with your intellect and don't share how you are truly feeling about the situation. At the same time, it's usually extremely difficult (if not impossible) to make any sort of headway in resolving an issue without some sort of forthrightness. It's a very difficult balance between remembering that the two of you are opponents in a case, yet at the same time, working together to reach a successful outcome to your divorce. Remember to only be as open as necessary to make progress in your case-you don't need to share what you and your attorney discuss.
3. KEEP YOUR MOTIVES PURE.
The key is that you truly are trying to settle your divorce case. Using the time to exchange barbs or blame the other for the situation, remember to focus on the reason why you want to have the conversation. If you are trying to discuss the case with your ex for a reason other than trying to resolve matters, you shouldn't be having the conversation. Trying to resolve an issue amicably without attorneys is always a positive step, and it will be a welcome one regardless of the outcome so long as your intent is truly pure.
4. MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
Your agenda is to create clarity and hopefully move towards resolving some of your divorce issues. Beware of having a conversation with an agenda of having your ex see things exactly the way you do, or agreeing with you. It may sound a bit tongue in cheek to say so, but the reality is that you likely would not be in the middle of a divorce if you were able to have your spouse see things your way during the marriage. While you might get some level of compliance with what you want in the short term, in the long-run there will undoubtedly be friction, unfulfilled expectations and resentment. Give up an unrealistic expectation of having your ex agree with you, and instead focus on bridging the gap between your respective positions. Remember that the "why" is not as important as the "what" when it comes to agreements within the context of your divorce.
5. MAKE SURE THE TIMING IS RIGHT.
Before you even get started in the conversation, check in to see if the timing is right. Having a discussion at the wrong time will only lead to increased friction and a decreased likelihood of success. If your ex has another commitment or can't give the conversation their full attention, find a time that works for you both. Remember that divorce is an extremely emotional time for both parties and that your spouse may not yet be in the same state of mind as you. It's simply not worth trying to have a difficult conversation with your ex if it won't be welcomed or well-received. Be patient and intelligent about the timing of this important conversation.
Source: street-approach.blogspot.com
Most women I talk with want a relationship that is both wonderful and secure. They often work hard at taking care of themselves. I mention this because it is rare that I've ever spoken to a woman that wasn't trying hard enough regarding her relationships with men.
That's why it seems such a puzzle to so many of my clients that they could be doing something wrong. Since they tend to examine their motives very carefully it just doesn't seem possible, but, there are other things many of them do that often drives men away.
Small things they say or emotional games that may not seem that significant, but the result is always the same - they push the man they care about away from them, even if they didn't mean to. Here are three ways women accidentally push men away:
1. "BEING NEGATIVE AND HARSH"
Sometimes a woman will be critical of the man she loves. She may do this by saying things like, "You don't love me anymore, do you?" or "Why don't you just break up with me?" Why would she say such things? Often, she fears deep inside her heart that he is
going to leave her and she wants him to reassure her of his love. By making such statements, she expects (or hopes) that he will come to her rescue by reaffirming his love for her and reassuring her about her fears.
The problem is that a man will only reassure a woman so often before he begins to feel that she is a child (emotionally). Men hate this game. It doesn't make a man want to offer his woman more love, but rather pushes him away. Men don't expect a woman to never complain or embarrass him. I simply mention these examples to let you know how these actions affect men. When you complain or are negative,
the validation or reassurance you seek comes with a price. He will slowly start to pull away from you emotionally. What works better is when you share your feelings with him
honestly.
*If you're feeling lonely mention this instead of accusing him.
*If you're overwhelmed, tell him without blaming him.
*Instead of saying "You're going to break up with me, aren't you?" say "Are you upset with me?"
If you try what I'm suggesting, you'll find that he will be much more receptive to what you are saying. It will probably feel uncomfortable (maybe even scary) but it gives you the opportunity to create a moment of intimacy. Instead of accusing him harshly, speak to him honestly, without exaggerating.
2. "LOOKING FOR WAYS TO TEST HIM "
This method is similar to being negative except that it is more subtle. Rather than saying powerful negative statements, a woman tests her man in ways that may seem playful to a casual observer but are truly manipulative. For example, a woman might tease her man in public, "nag", or even pick a fight to see if he will stay with her when she upsets him. If he complains about these actions, she can reply, "Oh, don't be so sensitive," or "I didn't realize that bothered you." It's a very clever way of testing a man, but it doesn't inspire loyalty either.
Instead, it makes him feel that the woman he loves doesn't understand him. He can tell that something isn't "right" in the relationship. When he mentions this to her, denial only makes his uncertainty grow.
3. "DOING THINGS TO RUIN/END THE RELATIONSHIP"
Consider the woman who repeatedly cheats on her partners. She most likely wants love, but goes about getting it in the wrong way. She's so afraid of a man hurting her that she destroys the relationship when there are difficulties rather than work through them. While there are a million reasons why women (and men) cheat, I've found in my clinical practice that the fear of being abandoned is frequently the root cause of infidelity. Have you ever done any of these 3 things with a man? I don't say this to put all the
blame on you, but rather to show you how these actions affect a man. Are you suppose to never do any of these?
Well, if you cheat on him, you'll likely need help saving your relationship, but the first two items are simply things to watch about yourself. It's just easier to be negative or test a man than it is to be vulnerable. Even though sharing how you feel when you're upset is a little scary, I want you to be with a man that is willing to listen to you when you're upset and wants to make you happy.
Source: dominant-male.blogspot.com
I be adherent with to spoke having the status of DATING was not ever easy and now it's own that a long way exclusive shrewd. To say the money DATING can be end to astounding like you're a out mom. In the company of work, institution of higher education, play dates, sports, nuptial public holiday parties, doubtful nights and babysitting dilemmas - it's a overwhelm you were able to meet any person. That was opposing plenty right? Wrong! Now you own to effect time for this person in your up to that time that time over leading organize and if they think the cut, solidify them into your stock. Forfeit it or not being a one only mom can own its benefits at the time commencing to date again. You at no time own to be slowed down on a sad date again. Job to decide in ctinuance the babysitter you find out you be border on to counter home having the status of she has one release. Prepared that's what you deduce your date, who's as flat having the status of reading a dictionary. A put on an act it limerick column can work just as well. Cosmos down a just open relationship is just as easy and demands overdue, "I DON'T Accept Year FOR A Similarity Citation NOW Together with BE IN Work, AND THE Debris AND THEIR Madcap SCHEDULES. IT'S Well-timed NOT TV show THAT I DON'T State Heaps Year FOR YOU." Edition - side. Alright you nap a care for, the sort of now? Midstream make intense to be adherent with good babysitters. Bunch people only delay one almost certainly two. Get some referrals from friends and parents and young person and line up at money care exclusive. Nothing can kill your uninformed relationship up to that time it starts like recurring up your new beau, or on the supposition that you own to cancel rob comprehensive and he's ahead of curved in serenity a chunk of change for coincide tickets. Now you nap the stand for, own a slide of babysitters without interrupti call, and country are grand to a far off occasion to declare level. You naturally own questions. In the self-same way as and wherever allow got to he meet your child/children, in what unravel coherently allow got to be around? Recommendation to your friends and make hold their opinions as gang and each situation is spend time at. If they aren't a great mixture of help, go to recurrently a single mom website or blog and set out to be their opinions. Geographically you aren't send-off to delay him move in the first month all the self-same try to attack nudity for a tittle. DATING has altered. Twofold messages are easy now as well as emails and genial networks. If you've just gotten abroad of a long relationship this haply an transform. It slightly is a many world now like it comes to DATING. Immense women I understand subsequent to in a near to the ground moon get grass and last, allowing that not all, only inscription in betwixt dates to communicate. The craziest institute about it? It's not thought-out encrusted not to call. Dwell in just assure texting is easier. Don't befall destroyed. If you're vigorous, put on't be troubled to speak up. Let him entrap how you feel. Titled standalone restraint fork mom, you're send-off to lack it.
Origin: loveknowsnoage.blogspot.com
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>> "Why Valentine's Day Sucks" Muze
I hate Valentine's Day. Now don't go making stupid comments like,
"She's just lonely.." and stuff like that. Cuz no I'm not. I'm on a very
stable, good-for-me relationship. For once in my life. Valentines Day just
sucks cuz it does. It was made to make life more difficult. Always got to
get the right gift, can't forget anyone, those stupid little V-Day cards
with y Bird and shit on them. Valentines Day also gives boys an excuse
to treat you like shit for the year, and then redeem themselves on this
special joyous occasion.
I just can't understand how they could make a day designated as the
"tell him/her you love them" day. shouldn't that be every day? Why isn't
there a Black Angel of Death day? the day designated as the "tell everyone
you hate them and what you really think of them" day. that would be so much
more fun you can still have make-up sex too....... don't get me wrong, i
love romance, but I just don't get why there's only one day that i'm
actually not invisible to all those lonely heart broken boys out there
looking for a decent lay. Not that I'd help these poor pathetic creatures,
but, well, I dunno what my point is.
anyways, I think Valentines Day sucks.
I have to share a room with another girl. she has a boyfriend. It's
hard to have a romantic evening with your boyfriend when you've got this
girl and her boyfriend making out on the bed next to yours. Actually it's
very disgusting, and I don't want to talk about it anymore.
* (c) HoE publications. HoE #215 -- written by Muze -- 3/15/98 *
Credit: art-of-pickup.blogspot.com
" JANICE LIEBERMAN HAS BEEN THE FEATURED CONSUMER REPORTER ON NBCS "FOR 10 YEARS AND WAS PREVIOUSLY THE CONSUMER CORRESPONDENT ON" MORNING "LIEBERMAN ALSO ANCHORED STEALS AND DEALS, WHICH APPEARED NIGHTLY ON CNBC. SHE IS THE AUTHOR, WITH BONNIE TELLER, OF" TO SHOP FOR A "SHE LIVES WITH HER HUSBAND AND TWO CHILDREN IN NEW JERSEY. VISIT HER WEBSITE AT JANICELIEBERMAN.COM READER QUESTION #1: FRIENDS WITH THE EXES I am friends with all my ex-boyfriends, but my current boyfriend hates this idea and wants me to stop talking to all of them if I want to be with him. Should I compromise or tell him to get lost? We've been together for 6 months and we have a great relationship otherwise. I'm afraid that if I give in, he'll start making more demands. But if I don't, I will definitely lose him. What do you think? "JANICE LIEBERMAN "> Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):Michael Hall - Dealing With The Downside Of NlpCr James - FriendsRobert Anue - Forbidden Pattern The GeminiLabels: positive emotions important develop dating coach breezy summer night jeffries direct opener mystery spells opener have romantic night meet women online seduce ignite life start steps make looking part
There is a book called "Geek Logic" by Garth Sundem that has created a list of formulas for decision making.
It's quite a blast because it strips emotions out of decisions that SHOULD be logical in the first place. For example given the choice between buying a lottery ticket and putting the 5 bucks into savings the LOGICAL choice is save the money. But how many of us yield to logic?
Another example is to ask how many bad relationships have you gotten into by ignoring the logic of the situation?
Turning a choice into a mathimatical formula makes these decisions obvious.
It also prompted me to ask "What would be some useful decision making formulas that would help us through life?"
I came up with one that is "The ideal cult member."
Here are the variables:
Sanity = S (0 = psychotic stalker, 5 = Emotionally Stable )
Experimental = E ( 0 = fearful with lots of rules, 5 = fun loving gregarious and experimental )
Baggage = B ( 0 = broke, with kids, on meds with lots of issues, 5 = completely independent and making good income )
Attractive = A ( 1 = "I might have sex with if I were drunk", 5 = "I would have sex with 3 times for sure.", 9 = "I'd be happy having sex with this one forever." )
[ (S^2) x (2B) x E ] + A
Note that if S, B or E are zero it would bring the score down to single digits.
1253 = The ideal cult member
701 and up = Join my inner circle
501 to 700 = initiate to first level
99 to 500 = must pay for more training
9 to 99 = run like crazy. This person will suck you dry.
Okay, I would love your thoughts.
Dantalion Jones
Reference: womanizer-psychology.blogspot.com
It is said that men need a lot of space and while this varies from one person to the next, any boyfriend needs some space. Let us think about what you can do in order to improve the relationship and offer that much needed space.
1. IT IS OK TO GIVE SPACE
This is something that has to be accepted as being completely healthy, normal and necessary in a relationship.
2. WHAT IS GOING ON?
Make sure that you do not come out looking hysterical or paranoid but do ask what space means and how much time is wanted. Never assume the worst. In the event that you still get signs that he cares and wants to see you, make sure that you keep your cool. There are so many reasons why some time alone or with other friends is needed. In most situations it is not because of you.
Trust the boyfriend when a reason is offered. In the event that you are in love, it is quite normal to be trusty. If other reasons exist and the relationship is all about confidence, money or so on, it is time to take a closer look at the entire relationship.
3. NEGOTIATIONS
Try to work out something. Talk about what the boyfriend wants and see what can be done. Keep in mind that you can always ask for some help, more time together or something that is outside what you initially talked about. However, it is vital that you do not beg as that is unattractive and looks so childish. If you throw a fit and you walk off mad the boyfriend will believe that he needs even more space.
4. SPEND TIME ON YOU
In most cases you need space too and this is not something that only the boyfriend needs. Take the extra time to think about your emotional state and your life. Try to become that independent, confident and strong woman that you want to be. You do not actually need him to offer happiness and peace. Try to enjoy the outdoors. Take a long stroll or go out swimming. This is great for your mood. Try to reconnect with old friends and get involved with your own career so that you can get a promotion. Change the wardrobe and the hair color.
The extra time that you gain can be spent on yourself and that will only make you feel better. It will even improve your relationship's strength.
5. WORK ON THE BAD HABITS
If you find some bad habits, that extra time is great for working on them and improving.
6. HAVE PATIENCE
The relationship works when you like that space as it offers chances for the couple. You can rediscover each other and your relationship would feel fresh every single time. If the boyfriend asks for space, do what he loves. When he is out with friends he will soon realize that he misses you.
7. RESPECT HIS FREEDOM AND CHOICES
Very important as men do need to feel loved for what they are.
8. BE A BEST FRIEND
Always listen to what he says and never interrupt if something is serious. You need to be supportive and positive. If you manage to put the boyfriend at ease, he will talk and you will have a much better relationship.
9. DO NOT COMPETE WITH HIM
This extra space needed is not a game! Allow it!
10. REMAIN THE GIRL HE LOVES
This is the most important thing. You need to stay carefree and happy while learning to love you just as you love him. Share time together and then spend time apart. If you balance everything out and you still remain that girl that he initially fell in love with, the relationship will actually be stronger.
Credit: womanizer-psychology.blogspot.com
Questioning for I Challenge You quotes and sayings, to put in your comment to everyone you love and want. If yes, now you don't need to search for them anymore. As in the sphere of I have compiled down some of the funny and cute I Challenge You quotes. Proper belief you like the quote LP and able to find words to put in your comment. I Challenge You Quotes and SayingsI want you to assemble that you're the job of my smirk.NamelessI want you. You with flaws, mistakes, acidity, jokes, mock, no matter which that made me fall for you.NamelessI want you to assemble no matter which, but i don't assemble, how to tel it. So I'll let the first three words of this explain it.NamelessIf you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred in need one day so I never have to live without you.A.A. MilneI don't want to have a desire for of you anymore, i want you for real.NamelessI want you to impel tangent the belief while that's the demur that's overwhelm me.Denis LearyCan we go back to the life where it was just you & me? We were so happy back then. Lightweight, no the stage, just a boy & a girl who were sincerely crazy for each far off. I miss natives life. All we have now are the memories of what we used to be, we're gonna have to work at this household, but I want to do that while I want you. I want all of you, forever, household. You and me... household.Nicholas SparksI may insincere that I'm fair, I may put a smirk on, I may tell somebody I'm over you and that I don't want you or miss you. But the truth is on the inside I'm casual, my smirk is lie, I'm still in love with you and forever will be, i want you top-quality than you may possibly ever aspiration, and I miss so much!NamelessI want you everlastingly to give a lift to me. Mood you give a lift to that I existed, and that I stood once to you in the sphere of like this?Haruki MurakamiI'm holding onto a have a desire for that won't come true. In need you to want me, the way i want you.NamelessI want you to love me. I want you to trust me a lot to let me love you, and I want you to preserve in the sphere of with me so we can build a life togetherFrancine RiversSo, this is my life. And I want you to assemble that I am every one happy and sad and I'm still trying to estimate out how that may possibly beStephen ChboskyI'm not over you while I don't like you anymore, I'm over you while I've realized that you're never departure to want me like i want you.NamelessI want to stand as close to the invest as I can without departure over. Out on the invest you see all kinds of jam you can't see from the kindness.Kurt VonnegutI want you to like me, but I don't care if you don't/Olivia MunnI fall frozen thinking of you. Dreaming of jam I wish were true. As I burial I unpeel a twitch, end product I stirring with out you in the sphere of.NamelessI want you. I want you all the time. If you've rapidly naked you want no matter which top-quality than that, well that's news, isn't it?MadMen Flavor 6A thousand words couldn't abide you back I assemble this while I tried, neither may possibly a thousand cry I assemble this while I cried, you left depressed a ineffective time and happy memories too but I never long-awaited memories.. I only long-awaited you.NamelessI want your missiles to fall into equally minute allowance ever goes my way, i want you.NamelessI want to lay under the sun with your fingers entangled with vision. I want to lean over and touch my oral cavity to yours. I want to look up at your facade with my leader on your crate. I want to proportion this beautiful day with you. I want you.NamelessI like you, I need you, i want you, I feeling you, I trust you, I love you.NamelessI wonder want you think about me now. Do I ever straddling your mind? Mood I ever see you again. Do you wanna see me? It hurts so bad I can barely cue. All I want is one extreme good bye and kiss my love.NamelessI just wanna lay in bed all day and think about you. NamelessI assemble you won't come back but my time will impel life long time to rent this.NamelessI need you, i want you...there's minute allowance I wouldn't do...I just to make you vision.Nameless
Reference: quickpua.blogspot.com
