Maintaining The I In The We Of A Relationship

We all want love & connection so badly that we are willing to give parts of ourselves up for it at times When you fall in love & enter a relationship at first everything is seems so light, exciting, passionate & you feel at your very best and before you know it, things begin to change

No longer is the relationship light, fun lately the relationship seems more like hard work. Instead of it being a place that rejuvenates, inspire and empowers you. It now drains you, leaving you empty, & feeling powerless at times.

Despite how much energy you keep feeding it, the relationships no longer seems to be generating a consistent flow of energy exchange

Though, relationships do require work; because it's two different worlds coming together. Two people who are & will continue to grow balancing & working through the challenges of the relationships growth as a whole (a unit) while, still supporting and encouraging one another's growth as individuals

Though, the kind of hard work I was referring to is one that isn't rewarding; you put in the work but nothing seems to really move along. It's where your state of unhappiness has become less of just "difficult moments" in the relationship and more like the norm state of your relationship.

More times than not the relationship begins to become a place of routine, rules, regulations & responsiblity. A place your expected to constantly measure up to another's expectations. You may be overly anxious or constantly worried about your partner, what they are or aren't doing in the relationship. You spend more time taking care of your partners needs then you do of your own. Your happiness becomes dependent on the others actions or lack of

Conversations have become more about what is wrong with the relationship & trying hard to make improvements or changes, without seeing the same level of effort from your partner. You spend more time discussing the relationship than actually having a relationship.

SO WHERE DID THE "I" IN THIS RELATIONSHIP GO?

SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE YOU LOST SIGHT OF YOURSELF, YOU BECAME CONSUMED BY THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF. THAT YOU'VE NEGLECTED PARTS OF YOURSELF & YOUR OWN LIFE. YOU STOP PURSUING THE THINGS YOU LOVE BECAUSE YOU ARE MORE CONSUMED WITH THE "RELATIONSHIP" MEETING ">WHEN YOU START GIVING THINGS UP IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR LOVE WHICH CAN TRANSLATE INTO A FORM OF "SECURITY"WHICH STEMS FROM FEAR. IT IS WHEN LOVE IS TOUCHED BY FEAR THAT IT TURNS INTO AN ENERGY OF NEEDINESS & INSECURITIES

WHY IS THAT

We've become attached to the connection that you start deriving your sense of self, or identity, from it. Hence, we become dependent in love rather than love from a place of inner freedom.

HOW TO BE PART OF A WE WITHOUT LOSING ME THAT WILL KEEP THE DESIRE ALIVE

* Slow down ">Communicate, Communicate your feelings & your wants by being open, loving ">Owning personal responsibilities

* For the roles we play

* The actions we take or don't take

* The things we say or don't say

* For the way we feel

* For the outcomes that play out

* Own responsiblity for your own happiness, no one is responsible for your happiness.

* Spend time having deep & meaningful conversations.

* Talk about yourselves personally not just your relationship

* Get out of your head & your partners head just have fun ">Encourage each other to grow & to pursue what each of you love

* Encourage each other to maintain those interests that were important to each of you before you entered the relationship.

* Support each other in maintaining friendships that were important to each other prior to your relationship

* Give each other space ">Don't let yourself go in a relationship physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually

* Take care of YOUR needs, give energy to your mind, body & spirit

* Don't stop thinking for yourself & expect your partner to now take care of your every need

* Spend time doing things that get you in touch with your sensual side.

* Pay attention to your sexuality: enjoy the art of flirting, which acknowledges you both as individuals

* Enjoy the tenderness of each others touch and the passion of love-making by being present, getting out your head ">Don't assume you know everything about your partner already, there is always more to learn if you give each other the space to be, you will see them with new eyes.

* Do not lose sight of each of your unique attributes

* Maintain your goals, hobbies & pursue activities that bring you joy ">REALIZE THAT NO MATTER HOW AMAZING THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH, THEY ARE STILL "HUMAN "& THEY WILL MAKE MISTAKES, THEY WILL DISAPPOINT YOU & THEY MAY EVEN HURT YOU. YOU'LL HAVE TO LEARN TO WORK THROUGH IT WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

Love & Light

SF

"That Which You Or I Think Is Most Unique About Ourselves We Hide. In Ordinary Discourse, In The Normal State, We Share Our Common Self, Our Superficial Self. Yet What Is Most Unique About Us Is What Has The Greatest Potential For Bonding Us. When We Share Our Uniqueness, We Discover The Commonality In Greatness That Defines Everyone On The Planet."

- Robert E. Quinn

Credit: dominant-male.blogspot.com