How Would You Feel

From a reader:

I find your blog fascinating. While I have sociopathic tendencies, there are certain traits I have that rule me out as a true sociopath. However, I follow your blog and I came across an article that I thought you might find interesting. I'd also love to know how you would react to a situation like this.

The gist of the article is that a female gorilla in a Korean zoo lost her life-long 25 year companion/cell mate. She is inconsolable. The only other gorilla she knew is gone.

In a closed environment such as this, without interaction beyond that of one other person, how would a sociopath act? I know for myself, I am a completely malleable personality that revels in my many different personae I can call upon at will. But I started thinking how I would feel in this situation. If I was forced to spend the next 25 years with only one man, how would my personality settle? Would it change? Would a 'real me' come out? Or would it just be the same personality for all 25 years, while I would know deep down that it isn't the real me, since the real me doesnt exist? And when I lost this one man forever, where would my sense of loss come from? Would it be simply the anger generated by loss of someone you needed or would it be supreme sadness rooted in deep emotion?

I am aware that sociopaths feel emotion, but I am asking what that emotion would feel like if there was no one left to play with; no one left to charm; no one left to dispose of - just this one other soul to keep you company until they died, leaving you all alone. I know the idea of isolation is hell to most sociopaths. But what I would like to know is what people hypothesize the relationship and their role in it would be like if they were trapped in a closed environment with only one other person for 25 years. Would the sociopathic behaviors/desires increase, remain the same, or would they diminish? Minus a group of victims (sorry to be general with that term), how would a sociopathic personality react to having just one and only one person at their fingertips? Would the behaviors even be able to be classified as sociopathic.M.E.: It's hard to imagine, honestly. I think it would seem nice at first to only have to interact with one person. I've gone through periods when I am tired of having to wear so many different masks. Not having to change masks all the time would in some ways free me to be able to have more of my "own" thoughts. But I think I would also feel like a retiree -- when you're in the midst of a grind, you can't help but fantasize about having more freedom to pursue being you, but the daily grind of work life also defines you so much that when it goes away there could be the sensation of a "lack" of "you". I think that this proneness to lack of self-definition contributes largely to the persistent feeling of "emptiness" that plagues sociopaths. One time i referred to it as always being aware of the abyss and people accused me of being dramatic, but i meant it in the literal sense -- a void, a vacuum of not just self or sense of self but of non-relativistic reality.

My brain is like a stomach whose lining has a hole, it constantly needs stuff to process otherwise it starts eating itself, so to speak. So I guess in answer to your other question about what would I do/feel if I were in complete isolation, I would probably lose all track of reality and sense of self and go crazy. But isn't everyone like that? What an odd flaw to have in the human psyche.